i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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