I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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