Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
