talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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