I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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