Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
