she woke up with a sticky ear
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
