Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
