i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
