I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
