Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
