I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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