Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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