Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
