Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
