I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Randomize
