i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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