i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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