In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
