So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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