where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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