Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
