Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
