It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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