; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
