someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
