I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
