the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
