he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
