Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
