I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
