You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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