they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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