i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize