I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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