jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
