love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Randomize
