Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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