The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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