Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
