but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
