where am i from again
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
