how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
