i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
