So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
