this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
