508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
