Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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