She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
