when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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