Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
