I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
