sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
