And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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