That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
