i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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