I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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