Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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