that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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