Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
