I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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