Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We left the knife in your bed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
