You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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