When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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