hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
