Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
