Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
