So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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