apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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